Saturday, March 30, 2013

Roney Dangerfield...

 
 Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield

    Because he said ...
 
                                                                                                                                   
  My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Obama's Second Term...

 
I AM OBAMA I LIED TO AMERICA AND ALL AMERICANS.
I AM AN ARROGANT BASTARD THAT FEELS I HAVE THE RIGHT
TO MAKE ALL YOUR CHOICES FOR YOU.
I BELIEVE YOU ARE LESS THAN
AN ME AND TO STUPID TO
MAKE YOUR CHOICES FOR YOURSELF.
I DISRESPECT OUR US CONSTITUTION. FOR I AM NOT AN
AMERICAN CITIZEN I HAVE NO LOYALTY TO YOU.
YOUR CONSTITUTION I VIOLATE AT MY PLEASURE.
MY GOAL IS TOTALITARIAN CONTROL OF YOU ALL.
 

 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Three Stooges...

 
Film history was made today as Larry, Moe & Curly began shooting Woman Haters in 1934. This would be the first of 190 shorts The Three Stooges made for Columbia. No one knew at that time how enduring their work would be, how iconic and deeply embedded into American culture they would become and how great their popularity would soar both here and around the globe. Here’s to a million more Nyuks!

Charlton Heston...

Jim Carrey...

 
 
 
Jim Carrey came to the United States as a homeless man from Canada living in a car... he came here to make his life better... and now because he has amassed a degree of money and power he sees fit to criticize our Constitution...  I have a message for Mr. Carrey... your 15 minutes of fame has come and gone... go back to Canada, and find yourself a nicer car to live in.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Senator Elizabeth Warren...

 
 
At a Senate hearing on March 14th, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) said if the minimum wage had been tied to gains in productivity since 1960, it would now be $22/...hour. Warren is the new liberal heart throb, and believes a $22/hour minimum wage "is only logical if you look at the numbers".
The current minimum wage is $7.25 per hour, and the Senator asks “What happened to the other $14.75?”
If the Senator had gone back to 1946, then by her calculation the minimum wage should be $33/hour. She is currently writing a book called "Rigged!" A better title for her memoir would be "Idiot!"

Friday, March 22, 2013

NFL Owners Pass Helmet Rule...

 
NFL Owners Pass Helmet Rule

 RUSH: Are they gonna enforce it? Damn straight they're gonna enforce it. You better have some tapes of NFL games the way they used to be played, folks.

RUSH: Boy, I'll tell you, this came out of nowhere. The NFL owners have passed that helmet rule. Ian Rapoport of the NFL Network says the rule passed by a "wide margin." Voters of the NFL voted just now to outlaw the use of the crown of the helmet by offensive or defensive players in the open field. Eric Dickerson, Hall of Famer, one of the leading ground gainers in the NFL, was quoted. He's in part of that massive player lawsuit against the NFL over concussions, but he said (paraphrasing), "This is nuts. You can't make an inherently violent game safe." He said this helmet law is crazy. Emmitt Smith said it's crazy. Emmitt Smith, Hall of Fame running back, Dallas Cowboys.

Obama Devil...

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Ed Mezvinsky...

 
Who is Ed Mezvinsky ?
Edward "Ed" Mezvinsky, born January 17, 1937, is a former Democratic
congressman. He represented Iowa 's 1st congressional district in the
United States House of Representatives for two terms, from 1973 to 1977.
...
He sat on the House Judiciary Committee that decided the fate of Richard
Nixon. He and the Clinton's were very politically intertwined for years.

In March 2001, Mezvinsky was indicted and later pleaded guilty to 31 of
69 charges of bank fraud, mail fraud, and wire fraud. He was sentenced
to 80 months in (Federal) prison.

Ed Mezvinsky embezzled more than $10 million dollars from people via
both a ponzi scheme and the notorious Nigerian e-mail scams.

After serving five years in federal prison, he was released in April
2008. He remained on federal probation through 2011, and still owes $9.4
million in restitution to his victims.

So who is Ed Mezvinsky? He's Chelsea Clinton's father-in law.

Has anyone heard mention of this in any of the media? If this guy were
Jenna or Barbara Bush's, or better yet, Sarah Palin's daughter's,
father-in- law, the news would be an every day headline, large type!

Some say there is no double standard in politics .
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Obama's Limousine...

 
 

The breakdown of the Obama presidential limousine in Israel is being widely reported, but we would never hear the end of it if this occurred during the Bush administration.
The presidential chauffeur is paid $175,000/year and is now being...
blamed by the media for the screw-up. The BBC says "It could be one of the most embarrassing bloopers of Obama's tenure. The 8 ton limo gets only 8 miles to the gallon because it is reinforced with armor plating, ballistic glass and Kevlar.
"It apparently was filled with diesel instead of its standard gasoline fuel. At the present time no one is saying who actually made the mistake of filling the limo with the wrong fuel.
"It will most certainly be a very costly mistake as all the fuels lines will have to be replaced along with the fuel injection system and a through cleaning of the engine which may require it being rebuilt.
With all the high tech gadgetry that supposedly protects the President in his $1.4 million limo, it was taken out of service by simply putting the wrong kind of fuel in it. We have limits to our technological wizardry, don't we."

 

The Devil Obama...

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Obama Voter...

 
 
‎10 Things to Say to an Obama Voter Who Just Got Laid Off ---

 1. "Hey, at least that successful Mormon businessman didn't win."

2. "Didn't your lady parts wa...
rn you this would happen?"

3. "Look at the bright side, gay marriage passed in four states."

4. "Hey, Big Bird still has a job. Isn't that the important thing?"

5. "I am sure Obama cares deeply about your situation. Maybe he'll send you a postcard from Hawaii."

6. "Well, look at the bright side, Rush Limbaugh is getting a massive tax increase."

7. "Hey! Now you'll have more time to play with your unicorn."

8. "Isn't it worth losing your job to know that religious organizations now have to pay for abortions and contraceptives?"

9. "Well, now you and Keith Olbermann have something else in common."

10. "Forward!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Unemployment Rates...

 
 
Are you confused about unemployment rates... This will help....

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terri...
ble Times. It's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%.

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, Obama said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how the current administration gets it to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%. Our govt. doesn't want you to read about 14.7% unemployment.

COSTELLO: That would be tough on those running for reelection.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have administration supporters stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like the Economy Czar.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like our current President!!!

Obama, King Putt...